Jenn Schiffer's Biographies on Medium (are amazing)

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I Read (half) a Blog Today

Jenn Schiffer feels like you may feel something about this.

How JavaScript is Going to Replace Node.js

Jenn Schiffer is the Pulitzer prize-winning author The Joy-ent In Forgetting, The Joy-ent In Acceptance, an O’Reilly guide to merit-based promotions in the tech workplace.

Say Ello To My Little Friend

Jenn Schiffer is a cat behaviorist by day, and a journalismist by night.

Work, Work, and Work Some More for Little Benefit to Yourself

Jenn Schiffer almost bought a Taco Bell in early 2014 because sometimes it’s good to have a backup plan in case you leave the industry.

The Hassle of Haskell

Jenn Schiffer is a neapolitan JavaScript developer who is good in math. Like, she took a lot of math classes beyond calculus in college and grad school. And she uses math. She also took a class about the history of rap and rock and she loves rap and rock.

I’m moving to Medium

Jenn Schiffer has never written for Wired, Newsweek, or the Rolling Stones, but neither has Ernest Hemmingway - so stick that in your resume, Steven Levy.

*Editor’s note: Jenn is not moving to Medium and a restraining order is in progress.

Putting an End to Net Neutrality

,Jenn Schiffer is a web developer who thinks comma-first in JavaScript code looks ridiculous.

A Controversial Unboxing of Firefox’s new D.R.M.

Jenn Schiffer literally used to work at a large media/entertainment company, so — although she does not like the idea of DRM — she knows that the decisions made by these media companies to require it are not lovers of open source and data like we are, but are instead worried about missing out on financial gain from total control of content even after purchase, regardless of how irrational and selfish that fear may be. Therefore, open source developers find themselves reaching a fork in the road that horses them to make controversial compromises so that they can continue our mission to promote the open web but at the same time cater to users who do not know or care about the mission of promoting an open web, instead of fading into obscurity in vain. Dealing with stubborn, ignorant, rich people in power is one of the hardest problems in computer science.

Deadly Declarations of the Web Pathologist

Jenn Schiffer used to skateboard off rails, but now she develops SEO and Google-juice-strong Rales apps.

What Makes a Developer a *Real* Developer

Jenn Schiffer is a house-flipper and amateur photographer in the .NET community. She has written the Pulitzer-prize winning biography of Dr. Joan Merriam-Webster, entitled Talk Wordy to Me.

More Efficienter JavaScript

Jenn Schiffer is a government contracted code optimizer and hobbyist wood craftswoman in central New Jersey.

Introducing Web Components and What It Means for Search Engine Optimization and Privacy

Jenn Schiffer is an SEO evangelist, meta keyword developer, and organizer of #SEOconf #NewJersey.

Eschew IDEs and Text Editors for Pure Close-to-the-Metal Web Development

Jenn Schiffer is a web developer and was profiled in O’Reilly and Vogue’s Haute’st 30 Devs Under 30 of 2013.

Task Runners and Builders: Just Because You Can Does That Mean You Should?

Jenn Schiffer is a web developer and growth hacker focused on workflow productivity and paradigm shifting the game changing industry of C.S.S. preprocessing.

Jokes as a Disservice

Jenn Schiffer is a serious, real developer and well-known Eclipse user. She will be protesting outside of DHTMLConf.

A Case Against Conference Codes of Conduct

Jenn Schiffer is an unemployed brunette Ellie Goulding impersonator. You will not find her at a conference which does not have a Code of Conduct.

A Case Against Bitcoin

Jenn Schiffer studied economics and is the tech evangelist for a think-tank that explores past currencies like Planet Lunch Points and pogs.

This 1 Neat Trick For Pixel Perfect Web Pages

Jenn Schiffer is a Business Guy™ and net Award winner for her Dart fanfiction collection, A List ADart.

Why I’m Breaking Up with jQuery and Getting Back Together with PHP

Jenn Schiffer is a father, husband, Christian.

A Call For Web Developers To Deprecate Their CSS

Jenn Schiffer is a web developer and computational complexity theorist. She is the writer of “PHP: The Hood Parts” and other programmer-themed urban fiction available on Amazon Kindle and the Zune app store.

A Client-side Responsive Image Solution, Finally

Jenn Schiffer, recently named one of the Top 9 People who Were Once Age 9 in Technology by Forbes, is a full-stack web developer and writer.

An Introduction to Two-factor In-Browser CSS Preprocessing

Jenn Schiffer is the best-selling author of the adult thriller How CSS Killed RSS. Her biological father, Nick Ortenzio, brainstormed with her on this very important concept during lunch yesterday at Tokyo Buffet, the official venue of the Boolean Operator Consortium.

Optimizing Knowledge Intake Using Half-Life Growth Hacking Techniques

Jon Shiffer is a #growthhacker and technical editor of the Pulitzer Prize winning book, “PHP is Better Than CSS.” He teaches pickup artists all over America how to code, but what he really needs to learn, himself, is how to love.

How Node.js is Going to Replace JavaScript

Jenn Schiffer is the Pulitzer prize-winning author of PHP is Better Than CSS. She lives in a box with her dog, Lucifer.

I Want a Thing, And I Want It Immediately

Jenn Schiffer is a celebrity plagiarist who likes things, and she’s worth it.

Solving the Cross-Browser Dilemma

Steve Ballmer is a Parkour hobbyist and is passionate about open Web technologies.

Here is the exact solution to a programming problem you’re searching about on Google

Jenn Schiffer is a serial entrepreneur, tech blogger, and social media guru/evangelist/disrupter.

wowowow gifs

No bio this time, but the header gif is amazing:

Successful business meeting, concluding with a slow pan to creeper stare

Top 5 C.S.S. Mistakes To Avoid Before You Die

Jenn Schiffer is a hobbyist hot dog photographer.

Open Letter to the Guy Who Dumped jQuery via a Medium Post, from jQuery

No bio this time, but whole post reproduced here:

Uhhh, I’m pregnant.

— j “$” Query

You Are CORGI-ALLY Invited to the Biggest Tech Event of the Year

(hey jenn, before you send this out to the mailing list, can you make sure that it looks really cool and web 2.0, like emboss the images or add a starry background, it should be pretty straight-forward and easy to do. thanks, you’re the best!)

5 Cloud Servers You Need to See Before You Die

Jenn Schiffer does not work at CNN.

The Case Against Semantic Classes and IDs in HTML

Jenn is a fucking programmer, and this is all a true story.

Next-level Lean Startups

Jeff Bezos is a paradigm-shifting programmer/entrepreneur who is totally over Tina, but, like, if you’re reading this, Tina, hit me up. Yeah, cool.

Become the Best Web Developer You Can Be in 1 Simple Step

Mark Zuckerberg is an 11x web developer and Editor of netmag with a h34rt of g01d.

Why Web Designers Are The Reason Your Parents Divorced

This was a sponsored post about a sponsored post. (Original post was removed when everybody hated it.)

How Your Cat is Doing Tech Startups Wrong

No bio, but entire post was a single gif:

Shibe is best at web design

Minutes from the Boolean Consortium Meeting

Minutes taken by both members of the Boolean Consortium.

10 Boring Things You Need to Know This Morning in Tech

Jenn Schiffer is Chief Justice of CSS Perverts. A million candybars for James Plafke for being the inspiration of this important new column.

Hide Your Deepest Darkest Secrets From the NSA

Jenn Schiffer is the award-winning body double of both LeBron James and Mark Zuckerberg, and a woman in technology.

What To Expect When Working With a Woman in Technology

No bio, but post is hilarious, go read it.

Tab Atkins believes that if he calls what's he's doing "curating", people will associate him with the funniness of the content he's scraping.

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